Mental Breakdown

So I had this issue couple of weeks where I completely breakdown. I decided to write this because It makes me feel stronger to tell you how I feel.

Are you ashame to tell about this ? Absolutely not. Feel grateful and honor.

So it began when I got flashback, something in a past where I feel live peaceful and think that life should be like that, after that my mind start to rebel. They start asking “Did you live your life like that right now ?” I’m starting stress, crying so many times, and thinking too much. I start to stop tweeting but I can’t, still not tweeting but watching all the tweet in my timeline.

That’s a week ago. 3 days ago, my mind getting aggresive to attack me. They said that “You never gonna be happy. You’re going to die soon.bla-bla-bla.” That time is more worse. I’m thinking someone is going to rape me and kill me, so I hide my scicors under my pillow. I’m crying, and the funny thing is I don’t understand why I’m crying. I feel everyone cheated on me, they gonna killing me soon or later or I will die because something.

Quit dramatic right ? I’m sorry if you think that. Every person that I talk always say that, not trusted them.

How about now ? I’m still breakdown of the moment, but watching Mastechef and other cooking show help me alot.

I’m not fasting these day because of that. I don’t wanna crying when I’m doing that.

These week been so rough for me. Thank you wordpress. I’m little bit peace now, I hope I can beat that annoying inside my head.

Ps: I’m sorry my gramar is bad. My tv show teach me bad gramar ;)

Liquid diet and fasting

So I plan this before fasting come. I’ve been fasting for 12 days, until now I’m still not even really fasting. I mean, when I break my fast, I just eat anything and everything. So, this is the moment, I’m gonna do Liquid Diet Fast, which mean it’s detox only drink not eating.

I will do it for one day first. If I’m feeling good, I’ll update.

Lonely wolf

All the buzz is suddenly disappear. The memory that we build is playing in my mind all over again. It won’t gone, I try to forget everything cause my mom taught me to forget any good thing and bad thing, so I can move on to another life, but they don’t wanna go from my mind, they stay like a tea in a bag.

Why they still in there ? I don’t wanna to remember that, cause it hurt me. Everytime I was siting alone, they came like a ghost and I start to go insane. I’m Crying again.

I’m weak. I maybe strong like people said, I might be a wolf like people said, but inside of me I’m lonely.

I am Lonely Wolf.

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Almost over

And what about my plan for making a Sport Blog ?

Today Thrusday July 10 2014. 3 days to the final world cup, Germany vs Argentina. I almost cried when see Messi run into Maxi Rodriguez. Football always that good.

It’s been almost a month, what do you like about World Cup 2014 ? I like the rising star like Guillermo Ochoa and James Rodriguez.

I don’t know about my life after World Cup. Should I start a Sport Blog ? Hmm interesting.

Anyway, Let’s celebrate these last 3 days with fun. Yeeeee.

Election (2)

Yay! Today 9 July 2014 is Election day. Which is mean that we allow to chose a president for the next 5 years.

I’m so excited cause my vote can change a whole nation, who ever wins the election I hope for change a better country, I’m honor to participate such a big event.

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Btw I’m still sleppy. Yes! Brazil vs Germany, who watch that match ? Such cruel for Brazil. In 11 minutes Germany lead by Muller goal, and then 12 minutes later Germany add a goal by Klose (which make him top scorer all the time in that Tournament) a couple minute Germany lead by 3 goal again in just 3 or 4 minutes! Crazy right ? I know. 2nd half, Germany played respect for Brazil and Brazilian, they add 2 more goal but I think Joachim Loew tell their squad to still play a great football but don’t make them control you, we see in 2nd half Muller played calm not like he hunger for victory (cause they already win) their goal for me it just a chance for add some goal.

Feeling bad for Brazilian, after Neymar injuried they losing something. Hope they can show some Brazilian Spirit in 3rd place match.

To respect them, I wear my Dc Superman Brazil to Election Place, I saw people watching at me like “Ohhhhhhh she wear that and she so brave” I’m just like “Mierdo”

So tonight don’t forget to watch Netherland and Argentina. It’s gonna be good night.

Is that being weird is weird ?

I hear this shit all time.

Weird:
I called that Awesome.
That’s shame if you don’t understand.

Weird ia the new life from normal and boring life into the life that you feel fantastic. Who agree ?

I see people always talking bullshit about this and I’ll tell you, is not wrong to learn weirdness of people. After you found the people weirdness you gonna asking yourself what is your weirdness. Don’t worry, I called normal, If you’re not feel it’s not normal then think about it.

I found this when I saw an articel about Hajime Isamaya. If you aren’t otaku that so shame. Hajime Isamaya is the Creator of Giant Monster who eat Human, creepy right ? He’s in everywhere lately and I read about him that He collected his nail from 2007, about now we don’t know he still collected it or no. I’m thinking “What weirdness I have ?” My weirdness is I love to smell my pee. Prety gross right ? When I drink water, it doesn’t smell urea, but when I drink a tea or milk, it smell urea and my pee colour is yellow. I’m totaly obsesses with Human body lately, how food can change into feses, how can sex change your body, I just love to learn that lately.

Guess when I talk with my mom about this she just laugh and saying that I’m so gross. My Mom had issue with cleaning, she love cleaning if there is something dirty she will kill me.

That being weird is normal or totaly strange ?

Oh yeah I found this is summer. WOOOOOOOO so excited!!!!!!!

Ale Ole Ale

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Guess that I’m late to post this. It’s been a 10 days or more since Jennifer Lopez wearing that Green Costume and show her cleavage, yes the World Cup or Copa del Mundo or Piala Dunia or ヲル クプ. So excited for me to watch 32 country in the world racing for that Cup.

What I support ? I support the…Reffere. They look misarable on there, when you watch first match Brazil vs Croatia, every single Croatian want to kill him cause he give a Penalty to Brazil, please don’t do that, that’s mean.

Marcelo own goal in the first match make me laugh. But he is awesome still can play 90 minutes, if I was him maybe I just want the coach replace me or fake an injury so the coach replace me.

Anyway, what’s your favorite ? I cheers Español, Argentina, and Germany.

Please for everyone support every country in World Cup. If you don’t like some country because they beat your favorite team please don’t insult them, they are on the same mission like your favorite team do.

Football for one!!

Smile for Life

Human. Human heart are containing with emotion and feeling. Sometimes we face something that make us happy, Sometimes not (opposite). Smile is the thing that everyone love, When you smile people feel peace and happy and that’s what life is about, right ?

I learn that smile is the most important thing in our life. To be honest I’m moody person, I can be annoying person you ever met when I feel not good, Well I’m still moody person and sometimes still put some annoying face when I’m angry or feel not really good (I called Nature Human Reaction).

Why I Wrote this post ? I’ve been thingking about my moody thing that makes me feel so awful to people, I feel terrified share something that everyone should not see. So I learn to smile when I feel angry, a little thing that makes me angry I try to smile and try to forget that. And yeah It work, when I smile I feel like sharing a good thing to people and make people around you happy.

I’m so happy to share this with you, Cause I share with you that every smile you put on everyone you can share your happiness to everyone.

The Fault In Our Stars

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Okay I need a time to give my thought about this book. So Okay, I know this book in January (I think) but I don’t interesting cause this book talk about Cancer. Cancer is sensitive for me cause when some book tell about Cancer they gonna talk about die and dying I don’t want to feel that way. I prefer to read A Song Of Fire or Gone Girl (cause I love to read a book to make me feel smart).

And when you list of book you want to read are already finish you read, you want to read another book. So I search from Book Blog, who give a good review to read. And they say “The Fault In Our Stars” and I was like “Ughhh come on!!! I don’t want to cry!” (I know If I read this book I’ll definetely crying hard). I brave my self to download the E-book version, cause If I buy a real-book version I’m scared that I’m not gonna read that again, So calling that tester before buy a real one. I read it little by little and I love it!!!! It’s not like Oh I’m dying and then she always crying bla-bla-bla! Is not like that.

I called this book John Green’s Code (Yeah you can call I copied from Dexter who called Harry’s Code). Let me tell you, I have similiar life like Hazel (the main character of this book). Like I’m so interesting in TV Series, Think that “I’m a Granat” and there is so many things that I think this book is from real mind.

I’m crying so many times. Hazel Grace Lancaster is wake me up my spirit (who gone for awhile). She a fighter, but not like superheroes, John Green give humanity in her, that’s a honest feeling from someone who had some disease.

I’m in love with this book, and In love with John Green,seriously! Life is gonna be great even you have pathetic life. I recommend you to buy this book and Think that life is awesome. Here’s my favorite Quotes from this book:

“I fear oblivion,” he said without a moment’s pause. “I fear it like the proverbial blind man who’s afraid of the dark.”

Augustus Walter

“I even tried to tell myself to live my best life today.”

Hazel Grace

“I missed the future. Obviously I knew even before his recurrence that I’d never grow old with Augustus Waters. But thinking about Lidewij and her boyfriend, I felt robbed. I would probably never again see the ocean from thirty thousand feet above, so far up that you can’t make out the waves or any boats, so that the ocean is a great and endless monolith. I could imagine it. I could remember it. But I couldn’t see it again, and it occurred to me that the voracious ambition of humans is never sated by dreams coming true, because there is always the thought that everything might be done better and again.”

Hazel Grace

3 word

3 word save my life
From the empty
From the loneliness

You dig my heart out
And keep my heart
Cause you want my heart to stay with you

I see you a future of my baby daddy
You see us like Minnie and Mickey

You wanna say it
But you lost
You lost it

3 word
Easy to think hard to tell
Easy to feel hard to do

But it saving our life